Parents of small children have to make a lot of decisions. Issues like breast or bottle feeding, whether to let your under two watch Cbeebies, should you stay at home or work, what school should kiddo go to…. Every step along the way involves parents deciding what they feel is best for their child.

I find the bigger stuff easier than the day to day issues. Hubby and I are pretty much agreed on nutrition, schooling, TV watching, activities and so on… But the day to day decision making is harder. My little people test the boundaries of my decision making hourly. From my nearly four old who wants, wants, wants NOW, to my nearly one year old who’s happiest stuffing toilet paper down the loo when I’m not looking, I am constantly checking my reactions, deciding how to respond.

I have a rule I follow when making decisions, which I learned from Suzy Welch’s book, 10-10-10 and it works. Basically, whenever I have a decision to make, I ask myself what the consequences of my decision will be in ten minutes time, in ten months time and in ten years. Hence the title, 10-10-10.

You can see how it might work when thinking about taking a new job, going back to work, or leaving an unhappy marriage. But it also works great on the day to day stuff.

For example, when my relentless nearly four year old hangs onto my arm and begs me to play with him, I would honestly prefer to get the housework done.

But when I apply the 10-10-10 rule, I realise that although the housework will still be there in ten minutes, in ten months time I won’t even care. And in ten years, when they’re at school all day, and I miss having them under my feet, then I’ll be really glad I sat down on the floor and played transformers for half an hour.

I don’t find it hard to convince myself that what I want to do is the right thing to do. There are days when I’d like to stay in all day. Take today for instance. It’s raining and I have a cold. I’d like to hide away. But the boys need fresh air and exercise. The dog needs a good run. And so, when the rain holds off, I know I’ll venture outside with everyone. It’s a decision I’ll be glad I made 10 minutes after we’ve hurried in from the cold. And in 10 months – 10 years even – I’ll look back on our daily walks and be glad I made the decision to keep them up, every day.

This is why the 10-10-10 rule is useful, because it stops me making decisions that work for me today, but that I might feel guilty about further down the line. The demands of the moment often lead us to react and make decisions under stress and pressure. Incorporating 10-10-10 into my life has made a big difference simply by making me feel in control of my own choices.

Give it a go yourself and let me know how you make it work for you.

Tags: decision making, guilt, instinctive parenting, Parenting

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 4th, 2010 at 10:00 am and is filed under Being a mum, Parenting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.