I’ve found it surprising to read in the media this week about the “clash” between Nick Clegg and Gina Ford over her baby feeding and sleep routines. Such an unlikely pair to be thrown together in headlines like “Nick Clegg Vs Gina Ford”.
If you’ve missed it, you can read about it in the Daily Mail, the Guardian, Times Online, the Independent and the Telegraph! It seems that Nick dismissed Miss Ford’s routines as “nonsense”, having tried to follow one of her books with his first born. And Miss Ford has replied by saying he insults “the parenting choice of more than 2 million British voters.”
I’ll be honest, I was bought Gina Ford’s “The Contented Little Baby Book” by a well meaning friend before Laurie was born. I remember having no idea what it was all about. But then, I’d never had a baby!
Four weeks into Laurie’s life with us and I’d found that book, read it from beginning to end and was almost dancing with relief. It was ok. I didn’t need to worry about him not sleeping anymore, because here was this manual telling me exactly what to do and when. And within 8 weeks he’d be sleeping through the night!
Of course, it didn’t go like that for Laurie and me. I couldn’t bear to keep him awake when he was tired, or not feed him when he seemed hungry. I hated to hear him cry. This was not the fault of the book. Just Laurie and I, as individuals, didn’t work well on the routines. Within a day or two we’d given up, and I was back to square one, wondering how I could make him sleep.
I’m not really too fussed about whether Gina Ford’s routines are good or bad, unkind or necessary. I know of parents who followed her routines and say they had some success. I know I didn’t.
More interesting for me is how there seems to be a suggestion in some of the articles, or some of the comments, that parents should just follow their instincts instead of looking for answers in manuals or books.
There’s a lot of advice out there – books, internet, magazines, friends, parents – lots of it conflicting, much of it good and some of it bad!
And yet, our babies still aren’t sleeping through the night. Nick Clegg’s ten month old is waking four times a night. Other parents are still up many times a night at 8 weeks, 18 months, some even have 3 year olds who sleep poorly. Ok, so not all babies don’t sleep well. Some sleep great. But why is it that with all the advice available, parents are still on Mumsnet searching for answers? Or visiting Sleepytot’s Ask a Question section for a bit of guidance? They’re out buying books, hiring sleep nannies, and desperately trying new routines, because they are very, very tired.
Here’s what I think. It’s because every baby, every mother, every father, every family and every home is different. It’s not possible for a one size fits all approach to work for everyone.
And the truth is that it’s hard to live with sleep deprivation for a long time. We can all manage it for those first few months. But after a while it starts to impact our lives, even make us go a little crazy!
I was once a new mother. I had no idea how to gently guide my baby into a sleeping pattern that worked for us. And so I looked for answers. I read everything. Journal articles, scientific evidence, popular parenting books, websites, magazines… you name it, I read it. And somewhere amongst that I found that there is a basic, common set of rules, that we can follow to encourage good sleeping habits in our babies.
I was one of those mums who didn’t know what to do. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with seeking help. Of course be led by your baby and family. Be discerning in the advice you choose to follow – this is a good time to follow your instinct. But never feel that you should have all the answers.
From the moment by first baby was born I was on the steepest learning curve of my life! And each step of the way I am learning. I talk to my friends, chat with my mum, and look for advice on Mumsnet. I love reading parenting books, even though some are rubbish! Sometimes I even get tips from Supernanny!
Not because I don’t trust my instinct. But because I know I don’t have all the answers. And a healthy mixture of the two – gaining and sharing advice whilst relying on your natural instinct as a parent – is probably what most of us do. Quite successfully, I think.
