When my first little monkey, Laurie arrived, he didn’t sleep. Which of course started me on the journey to where I am today…
One of the things I found hardest was the questions from everyone, all of which followed the same pattern. “Is he good?” “Does he sleep?”
Which, for the first couple of months was fine. Because people smiled knowingly and nodded companionably. We were all part of the same club. They’d been there…
And then I got to month three and the questions were the same. But the responses had changed. “No, he still doesn’t sleep well,” I would say, totally unprepared for the new reaction – the raised eyebrows, lips turned down in wonderment. And so began the advice… You’re letting him sleep too much in the day. Put him down, shut the door and leave him until he goes to sleep – he’ll soon learn you’re not coming back. Bring him into the bed with you. Put him in his own room. And so on…
I didn’t mind it so much as HATE it. Bewildered, exhausted and totally vulnerable, I started to feel like I was being judged as a parent by how well my baby slept.
So the next time someone said, “Is he sleeping through the night yet?”… I said “yes”. Nod of approval. Yes, you’re a good parent. You’ve done a good job.
Of course, it was probably all in my head. Why on earth would anyone judge a parent by whether or not their baby is sleeping throught the night. But I was shattered, a new mum, and I’ll be honest, I didn’t really know what I was doing.
I wonder how many other parents might feel like I did? If anyone else has kept quiet about their long, dark nights for fear of being judged?
The reality is that babies not sleeping is normal. Very normal indeed. That’s why there’s a whole industry based around it. It’s why it’s the first question people ask about and one of THE most talked about issues amongst new parents.
It perhaps my own defensiveness about the issue that led me to admire the honesty in Josie George’s blog, Sleep is for the weak. Josie describes herself as “a twenty-something slightly neurotic, seriously sleep deprived stay-at-home mum from Staffordshire in the UK”. She writes sometimes poignantly, mostly laugh-out-loud humerously. Her son, Kai, is nearly 18 months, and has never slept throught the night.
And so… since I LOVE a challenge… I decided to contact Josie and ask if I could try and help “improve” Kai’s sleep. Josie has kindly agreed and while I’m confident I can help… I’m also more than a little nervous that I’ll fail miserably. From the sound of things, Kai might just be the first little monkey to prove I can’t help EVERY baby sleep.
Still… I’ll give it a go.You can track mine and Josie’s progress in the Community area. And leave your tips there for us too! Wouldn’t it be great if we could get Kai happily sleeping throught the night?
But then, what would Josie call her blog? All thoughts welcome below…
One last thing… if you’re looking for a great blog to read, Sleep is for the weak is definitely up there with the best of them. It’s interesting, entertaining, funny, heartwarming, clever, sad, happy… and most of all honest. If you ever feel like you’re falling a little short of the great mummy or daddy that you planned to be, Josie’s blog will remind you that you’re just normal. And it’s great to be normal.
Tags: baby sleep, Baby sleep advice, baby sleep through the night, Mummy bloggers, sleep is for the weak