If you’re anything like me, bedtime doesn’t always go smoothly. Some days all is great and those last few minutes with the little ones snuggled up in bed listening to you finish the bedtime story are just perfect.

But there are many nights when the baby won’t go to sleep or your toddler asks for a drink for the 5^th time, you’re frazzled from a long day and you just want the kids to GO TO SLEEP! On evenings like this, I can say for certain that I’m not exactly “emotionally available”.

Yet new infant sleep research suggests that parents who are “emotionally available” to their babies and toddlers at bedtime help their children to sleep better at night. Researchers videotaped mothers in 39 families as they put their babies to bed, and also had them fill out questionnaires and sleep diaries. Dads were recruited to participate in the research but not enough of them interacted with their little ones long enough and so the study focused on mothers.

The research, led by Douglas M. Teti at The Pennsylvania State University, found that, “Parents’ emotional availability at bedtimes may be as important, if not more important, than bedtime practices in predicting infant sleep quality”. The study showed that mothers who are calm, warm and sensitive with their baby and/or toddler promote feelings of safety and security, which results in better-regulated child sleep.

If you’re struggling to get your baby to sleep through the night, or go to sleep at bedtime, it is only natural that you may feel yourself becoming anxious or tense as bedtime approaches. Your baby can pick up on this, finding it harder to feel safe and sleep less well as a result.

Here is a technique that I regularly use in my life for many issues and works very well when dealing with baby sleep problems. Whenever you have a spare moment (just before you go to sleep or when the baby is napping), lie down and imagine you have a valve (like in a paddling pool) in each foot, each arm and in your chest. Now close your eyes and imagine the valve on your foot has been opened and all the air is slowly going out. Work around your body like this until you are eventually flat (in your mind lol!). All the while you are doing this, repeat to yourself “calm body, calm mind”.  Try and do this every day. It should only take 5 to 10 minutes. If your mind starts to wander, bring it back to your body and focus on your body parts slowly deflating.

Then when you are on the countdown to bedtime, anytime you find yourself becoming anxious or getting annoyed, say to yourself “calm body, calm mind”. Keep saying it until you feel yourself calming down. Then carry on with bedtime. Even if you lose your temper or become frustrated, you can very quickly use this technique to change the mood, relax, and remain loving and tender towards your child.

If you are sleep training and your baby is becoming very upset, this is a very good technique to use so that when you go back into your baby’s room, or if you are sitting in the room with him, you can stay calm and loving. It is possible to be firm, set limits and show your baby what the rules are, whilst remaining loving and “emotionally available”. Not always easy, but very possible!  

How about you? Are you “emotionally available” to your small people at bedtime, or do you find yourself becoming anxious or cross? And do you have any tips to share on how you keep bedtime calm and reassuring?

Tags: baby sleep, Baby sleep advice, baby sleep through the night, baby sleep training, Child Sleep, Parenting, sleeping through the night, toddler sleep advice

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 29th, 2010 at 12:06 pm and is filed under Child Sleep, Parenting, Toddler sleep, baby sleep. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.